Um, I'm kind of a bundle of feelings right now. I'm feeling subdued, a bit speechless...you know what your chest feels like when you're holding your breath too long? Or when you get the breath knocked out of you? The weird knot you get in the pit of your chest? That's it...

I got a call yesterday afternoon from my youth pastor, Aaron. He proceeded to tell me that due to family problems he had to address, he was leaving his position as youth pastor.

This is so surreal to me...I mean I can't even explain it properly. This came out of nowhere. I am incredibly saddened by this news, even though I know he's not like moving away or anything. He'll still be around and we'll still keep in touch with each other, he just won't be the youth pastor anymore. And some of you might be thinking, 'It doesn't affect you that badly does it? I mean you've graduated; you're leaving anyway.' That's not completely true.

The college I'm going to is close to home, which allows me to remain a member of my church. I love my youth group like my family, and even though I'm going to college I don't plan to leave them for the women's ministry. In a way, this really shouldn't affect me so much, but it does.

It's hard for anyone to lose someone like that. I'm no exception. I've cried on and off since about 3:30 yesterday afternoon. This has hit me really hard...it's hard for all of the youth students. I talked to a lot of them last night and had to explain to a few of them that Aaron wouldn't want them to leave the youth group just because he's not the youth pastor. It does hurt me quite a bit. But what we have to understand, individually and as a youth group, is that Aaron had to make a really tough call and we need to stand by him and respect the choice he made right now. I feel that I personally need to stand up strong for the younger kids of the youth group, especially since some of them don't quite understand what's going on. I know that Aaron and even our senior pastor Jimmy are pretty much counting on me as well as a few of the older kids to step up for the younger ones. I'm standing strong right now...it's all I CAN do.

If you would, keep my youth group in your thoughts and prayers. There are some students who are taking this really hard, and I would hate to see anyone walk out because of it. It's gonna be tough, but I know we're gonna get through this. I promised myself and my youth group that I was sticking around, and I promised Aaron that I would be a better leader for them. I just pray that God will give me the strength and wisdom I need to fulfill those promises.